Thinking about children ?

Currently over in Rio there are over 4000 people of all different disabilities doing amazing things in the name of sport, showing the world that they have overcome injury or illness to do things that are just awesome. (I couldn't even hop over a football, let alone a bar that high !)

Getty Images

It was also great to see that the Channel 4 advert for their Coverage also showed a bit of the every day obstacles that disabled people face such as eating with no hands, playing instruments and having fun, not just the sports. 

Image : Channel 4

And that's what real life is about, not about the pro sports, but handling everyday tasks.

From my point of view, with only one useful hand, things like cutting up steak, doing cuffs up, tying shoe laces etc. The things other people don't think about.  

Along with all the Paralympics coverage, Channel 4 have a nightly program called The Last Leg. This started 4 years ago during London 2012 to show the lighter side of the Paralympics and answer those awkward questions that you want to know. (Hence the #IsItOk hashtag trending whenever the program is on.)

One of the presenters, Alex Brooker spoke on last nights episode about Alex Zanardi, an ex F1 driver who came back from a horrific accident to take up the hand-cycle and won gold in London and again in Rio. For a lighthearted program, this shows some raw emotion coming from the disabled presenter. Watch it!

One of the things he said resonated a lot, and that was about having children and thinking about how am I going to hold them for the first time. The same thought went through my head many many times before Jake was born. And really the whole reason I started this blog.  

Now Alex's disability is a lot different to mine, and some things will be harder, but that should not stop him.

Everyone works out the best way to do things, myself with one hand, Alex with less digits. and a baby is just a new challenge to work out the easiest way to do things, with the added bonus of it being a baby ! Both my kids from a young age understood my way of doing things and helped make it easier (most of the time) 

Holding is the easy bit (use your arms), I've already done a blog about that, however trying to change a nappy on a wriggling baby while they p!ss in your face is the real challenge !

Anyone who is disabled and worried about the practicalities of having a child, then think about every other task or barrier in your life that you've found a way round, and your own way to do things.. you'll do the same with your child.

The Question Why

So being a parent with a disability I always knew at some point I'd have to explain the disability to my children.
I've mentioned before my hand/arm is weaker to Jake so can't do certain things. And he's just excepted it.
But now he's 4 and so "Why?" is his favourite question.

The other night when going to bed Jake wanted to do 'round the garden' on me.  Which he uses as a time wasting excuse before going to sleep.  But it's very adorable so I let him do it.
Now my left hand doesn't turn fully to turn upwards and can't open fully flat so not the easiest to do 'round the garden' on.

Interestingly one of the surgeons years ago did offer to break and reattach the hand facing up. Although the only two possible uses for an upwards facing hand he could think of would be throwing up a tennis ball or carrying a tray!
And I didn't want to be a waiter at Wimbledon all my life so I declined the kind offer

Anyway back to the elongated bed time...
So as I tried to open my hand as best I could, Jake wanted to know why my left hand doesn't open flat.
So I explained to him and said I'd had an accident when I was younger.
He found it more of a novelty and the following day told the inlaws about my hand and how it opens in a funny way.
"It opens like this,  not like your hands"
He's asked me a few times since about it and I'm always happy to explain (without the gory details)

The one thing I like about Cbeebies is the regular  inclusion of disability.
Children see able-bodied people all around them but might not see disability much in real life especially young people.   It's good that they see it somewhere, so although it might not be 'the norm', it isn't totally out of the ordinary.

Another year goes by

So it's the 6th of December which means it's another anniversary of my brain  haemorrhage. 27 years today.
I always think about things at this time of year.
When I was younger it wasn't the happiest of times.  Remembering what had happened and thinking how I was ever going to have a future, a decent relationship, a family.

Obviously now that's totally different.  I look back with pride and happiness of how far I've come,  and how lucky I am to have such great friends and family. And my own family. With my amazing wife who makes my laugh and smile constantly. And my beautiful kids that amaze me every day. My life is pretty damn awesome.

This year I noticed the Independent had chosen Great Ormond Street Hospital as their charity for Christmas and I was asked to write an article for them.
This was interesting due to the timing. And how I always think of Gosh at Christmas.
I had a long chat with my parents about the details of when I was in Great Ormond Street before writing the article. Mainly because I was in a coma for 10 days so don't remember that much.
It was interesting as I learnt a few new things I never knew.  And got to see my brain scans again, I forget how big an area of my brain is damaged.

The article is here and was also republished in the Evening Standard here.
Not sure if it made it into paper form, but it was strange seeing an old photo of me on the front page of the Independent website for over 24 hours!

I hope the article helped explain what a great job Great Ormond Street Hospital do and a lot of money is raised in the GiveToGosh campaign to help them carry on the excellent work they do for children and the help they provide for the parents.

The NHS tends to get a bashing, but they do some great things every minute of every day. The saved my life for one, and my son's  life too when he was born !

So thanks Great Ormond Street, thanks NHS, and thanks to everyone else. As I said my life is pretty damn awesome and that's due to you all !

Rob

Picking up and carrying a baby with one hand

I thought I'd write a couple of blogs that outline certain situations you kinda need to know as a parent with only one hand. 

So lets start with the basics 
the first time I held my children I was sitting comfortably and someone handed them to me gently so I could rest them in my arms and look at them in amazement.
After a while though reality hits you that you can't have someone else hand you you child all the time, you need to be able to pick them up yourself.

With my son, I tried several different ways to pick him up, such as running my hand up his back and supporting his his head with my hand. However I found a way which seems to work quickly and I use for my daughter which is basically using my hand to grip round the ribcage and then turn her so the weight is on my hand and support the head with my fingers. Then I can place in my arm or on my shoulder etc.

The best thing to do is try a few techniques and see which one works best.

Now you can pick the baby up, you need to think about carrying.
This can be tricky as you want to be comfortable that the baby is secure and held properly before moving.
And you don't want to use a standard baby carrier as you need something which is quick and practical. 
With my son, I was looking to see if someone had come up with something useful, but never found anything.
But I lived in a flat then so carrying a baby upstairs wasn't something I had to think of too much.
Now I was in house, so this was a concern.

However before my daughter was born I found a company called Snugglebundl which is basically a blanket with handles and a head support (you can see it in the picture above). They kindly sent me one and I've used it quite a bit. the fact that you can carry the baby like a shopping bag means it is very easy and quick to move around. Although when walking around you do need to be careful of other objects,  There website has more details and I'd recommend them. 

The more you carry and move with the baby the more confident you get, then it just becomes second nature and you don't have to think about it at all.

As the child gets older they will adapt as you will. 
For my son who is now two and a half I still scoop him up with one arm, but then normally throw him over my shoulder or have him sitting on my arm.

Hope someone finds this useful.
I'll focus on something else next time.

Lets do this again !

Yep I'm a dad again.

Two weeks ago our beautiful daughter was born.
Suddenly I have to remember everything that I forgot two years ago !
How to handle babies, they are so small and fragile compared to her brother who is now two and a half.
We've already been out and had fun with a double buggy and even managed a wedding with both of them.
So I have lots of blogs to write including reviews of new products to help 

I might also need to read my old entries to remind me on how I did everything before :)

Short blog today, but more coming real soon

2 Years on

So I've been rather bad at updating this blog. I think the last post was 18 months ago !
This is mainly as life as just taken over.
My son was two in June and growing up fast !
We've moved in to a new house and we are expecting our second in November (child, not house) 
So between working, doing up the garden and the house, and spending time with my family I haven't had much time to update this blog.

However as we have a second on our way and I can see people are still hitting the blog, I've decided to post some more updates.
As I've now had two years experience, I'll now be focussing on certain aspects in each blog.
hopefully this will assist someone else in a similar position.

A quick update with how I've coped generally in the first two years though.

I'm a lot more confident with Jake now and happily scoop him up in one arm and throw him over my shoulder. He weighs a lot more than he did 18 months ago ! (My arm has got a lot stronger) Although as he is running around everywhere and does actually hold our hands when he needs to, there isn't too much need for picking him up throughout the day.

The only thing that I can't do with him is if we go to some of the soft play places where Jake can climb higher and easier than I can manage, so I can't really keep up with him, but everything else is easy.

So looking forward to number two I don't have any worries about how I'll cope with the new baby, it will just be fun with both ! 

6 Months

So I've realised that having a baby takes a lot of time up !
Hence why my blog has not been updated for a while.

So Jake is now 6 months old and I'm not sure where all the time has gone.
He has grown so quickly over that time, he is nicely in to a routine now which means that we wake him up in the morning to take me to the station (with my wife), then I see him again when I get home twelve hours later.
At this point he normally has some food, has a bath and then shortly after heads to bed.
This means I don't get to see Jake much in the week, but I do try make up for it on the weekends.

I have not had the confidence yet to bath him, as the bathroom hasn't got loads of room, so not easy for us both to be in a position to hold him in the water. 

Jake is moving more now and can roll from front to back when he wants, but not from back to front. I think this is actually useful at the moment as it means he can't roll into danger if I turn my back. Although I don't think it will be too long.

I still use my standard method to pick him up with one thumb tucked under his armpit, using the hand to support him. Then use my bad arm to support the weight. After years of trying to keep my left arm relaxed and straight, I've now got to start to strengthen it more and keep it locked in an L shape to take his weight, and I notice each day he feels heavier !

Over the last few months I've got a lot more confidence with how I hold my son and move him around. He is still light enough that I can just hold him with one hand against my hip, so when my arms tire I can change positions and he is still comfortable.  

Changing Jake is still fairly easy, although now eating food, the nappies are smellier ! Plus I have to keep an eye on his feet not kicking in the dirty nappy. Although folding the old nappy over is a handy trick. He is still well behaved for me when changing nappies although kicks me more when getting him dressed. He loves to kick my stomach, or maybe its a hint for me to lose weight !

The few issues that I have is changing his vest over his head. He doesn't like it much, and it's hard for me to sit him up and put a vest over his head quickly, but its something I'm working on.

Also getting him in and out of certain seats can be tricky. The high chair we have is fine, as is the car seat. But some of the small seats, and bouncer are rather awkward. But then that's what the wife is for. :)
As I'm more confident, I know that I can safely get Jake out of any of the seats if need be, just might be slightly uncomfortable for him.

The last six months have been great. My son is amazing, and watching him grow and learn is just the best thing. My wife is also awesome for being the best mother and wife in general, but being supportive with me overcoming my worries of how I'll cope.